sobota 30. července 2011

10 reasons why should be Czech republic immediately annexated by Austria (Translated article)

I agree with you and admit that for long time, I thought the same. I knew and liked all those jokes about Austrians and how they are Slovaks of Germany and also about their cellars. But few days in the country that gave to world so important things like Adolf Hitler, Niki Lauda, Red Bull and GLOCK pistols made me to do some deadly serious thinking (ok, not so serious). I had to live according to Austrian rules these few days, to study their life and to function socially in somewhat different way than just like the common tourist. So I wrote following ten points that should prove the thoughs of František Palacký are still alive, even in 21st century.

By Luděk Staněk, Reflex
Translated by Karel Musil
Original article: http://www.reflex.cz/clanek/zivot-a-styl/42696/10-duvodu-proc-by-ceska-republika-mela-byt-okamzite-anektovana-rakouskem.html

I know, you are wondering why Austria? If annexation, it should be some really awesome country – Germany, United states (of America) or Great Britain. Someone proper, ideally someone, who didn’t occupied us yet.

I agree with you and admit that for long time, I thought the same. I knew and liked all those jokes about Austrians and how they are Slovaks of Germany and also about their cellars. But few days in the country that gave to world so important things like Adolf Hitler, Niki Lauda, Red Bull and GLOCK pistols made me to do some deadly serious thinking (ok, not so serious). I had to live according to Austrian rules these few days, to study their life and to function socially in somewhat different way than just like the common tourist. So I wrote following ten points that should prove the thoughs of František Palacký are still alive, even in 21st century.

1) First and foremost point. Everybody would economicaly prosper from the annexation to Austria. The prices of almost everything are mostly the same in Austria and in Czech Republic, but Austrians have got Austrian wages. And Austrian rents, too. More so, nobody dares to sell stuff so overpriced nor lacking quality like in Czech republic. No wonder that Czech outlets of global syndicates are the one of the few in the whole Europe that do well financially.

2) Quality of services. I guess I’ll sound like someone, who traveled to West after 1989 for the first time (or like the Czech president Václav Klaus, when he writes his famous ignorant travel journals). Mind that in Austria you’ll get the proper services for your money! When you withdraw money from the cash mashine, you can choose which nominal value of paper bills you want!!! And bank doesn’t charge this! Unseen. When you want to buy the local phone card, you don’t have to wait in the operator’s office for one hour. In Czech republic even the salespersons can’t navigate through the complicated and overpriced tariffs. You can buy cheaper connection than in Czech republic and just go home. Nobody will bother you with speeches like „if you sign yourself for 10 years, call 60 hours a day, you’ll crow in six o’clock once a week and now jump on one leg and sing Mary got the little lamb, if your mother is black-haired and your wife is 165 cm tall, I could offer you superuseful tarif… but not with the cellphone you want“.

In short, we’d profit from this again.

3) Entertainment. Austrians, despite the Czech prejudices, enjoy the same entertainmen like Czech do. They have one of the best public televisions in Europe, that can do much enjoyable programming than any Czech TV could do in ten years. News aren’t presented by retired models or by men for whom is the use of teleprompter the greatest intelectual challenge in their life. Austrians are used to dub everything, same as Czechs do, so neither this wouldn’t be a cultural shock. We could be pretty sure that Austrians would be generous and they’d let Czechs to speak their native language and let Czech to re-dub the Austrian dubbing. And Czechs could say to themselves that even the most embarasing TV shows that they are Austrians who are embarassing and not to be ashamed for the desperates at Kavčí Hory who think this is how the teenager show should look like.

4) Politics. Austrian politics isn’t complicated. It could be described as the long-running opposition agreement, but there isn’t so much stealing. Or if there is, it’s invisible. Due to the present deranged condition of Czech politics, most of the Czechs would be confident with such improvement.

5) Food. Austrians cook most of the meals that Czech consider their national ones. Even better.

6) Calm borders and the end of Austrian inferiority complexes. With the help of annexation, there would be peace at Czech southern borders. Frankly, Austrians aren’t worried so much about Temelín, but they don’t like that those annoying Czechs beyond border are doing whatever they want. In this situation, Austrians would have to demolish Temelín by themselves, because then it would be their thing – and you can be sure that they wouldn’t be so eager. After all – the all-night lightning in the picturesque Tirol villages can’t glow by itself, righ…

7) Bureaucracy. No, the reconnection to Austria wouldn’t abolish the annoying Czech bureaucracy, but it would give it the meaning. By the way, Czechs learned the paperwork from Austrians, who are masters of this craft. With one exception – there is system in Austrian’s paperwork. You have to fill the same amount of forms in Czech republic as in Austrian, but the difference is that in Czech republic you have to fill one half of it completly needlessly and the clerks lose the other half. At least you know that in Austria this annoying paperwork gives some sense to someone above.

8) Swearing. If Czechs could lament again under the Austrian yoke, they could improve their artistic ability to mutter and grumble about those above them. And they would finaly have the reason.


9) Language barrier. Most of Austrians would never learn to speak Czech, they are too proud and confident and lazy for that. For this reason, the muttering mentioned above would be pretty free.

10) It’s the best possibility. Seriously – Czechs tried it with Slovaks. Polish – not even by mistake, so goes with Germans as well. If you think about it, Austrians are the best neighbours that could annexate Czechs.

František Palacký (1798 – 1876) – Czech historian, politician. He was the proponent of Austroslavism, a movement that wanted to solve Slavic issues under the rule of Habsburg monarchy. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Franti%C5%A1ek_Palack%C3%BD
Kavčí hory – area in Prague where the Czech Television headquarters are located.
In 1998, due to the equal results of the elections, two strongest parties - the left-sided ČSSD and right-sided ODS - agreed on the ruling of the left-sided party in return for certain advantages for the right-sided party.
Infamous Czech nuclear power station. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temel%C3%ADn_Nuclear_Power_Station.

Žádné komentáře: